NWSFLSH: Michael Jordan Rapes Vancouver Grizzlies TO DEATH

You may remember this newsflash if you're from Vancouver...

From the November 31, 1995 Vancouver Sun:

(VANCOUVER) - Vancouver fans may have believed their third-ever win was possible last night, until they were unpleasantly surprised by how capable a real live professional athlete can be. The Grizzlies led the Chicago Bulls by 6 points with 6 minutes remaining in the Grizzlies' 18th game in franchise history, until professional basketball player Michael Jordan put on his Ted Bundy outfit and proceeded to rape the fucking shit out of our young team, littering the court with the defiled corpses of second-rate athletes. Anthony Avent finished with 4 points.

by Jeffy Jefferson

19 points in the last 6 minutes of the game, and not just with a bunch of boring jumpers. Not even Greg "14-points-a-game-and-thus-top-scorer-on-the-team" Anthony could step in his way.

I think my favourite moment is at 1:32 when he draws a foul from Big Country. It's like Ironman fighting a villain made out of big slow idiot instead of omnium steel. The replays are awesome. 

 

Things I've Missed Out On: Brad Renfro's Funeral

So I really do hate people who write about celebrities all the time, but this is something that's gripped my mind for a while now. And it's more about actors. Anyways, remember how former child actor and awesome cult film star Brad Renfro, perhaps best known for his roles in Apt Pupil, Bully (which was fucking AWESOME), and Happy Campers, died earlier this year, exactly one week before Heath "Brokeback/Joker/Renfro Eclipser" Ledger? Probably not, cause the man never got his due recognition. Nor will he, even in death, because of how close his death was to a bigger star. A simple address bar search for "heathbaby.com" produces a massive fansite. Bradbaby.com? Fuck no.

Granted, Ledger was really good in The Dark Knight. But Renfro was The Client, man. Did anyone see that??

Did his death make the cover of any magazines? No.

Did anyone from Hollywood make a fuss? Absolutely not.

Did he even have a funeral? It seems improbable.

And maybe the most troubling question: Why couldn't it have been JTT? 

Justin Longoz

So my brother Justin, who is an astonishingly talented director, editor, animator, illustrator, and beard grower, is having some of his work published in Narwhal magazine for an interview with Paul Rudd of Knocked Up, Clueless, and Wet Hot American Summer fame. For the spread, he's illustrated some stills from Wet Hot American Summer. If you haven't seen the movie, you suck, but if you have you've probably seen it several times and will love the drawings which can be found here.

His shit is off the fucking heezy, and while you're at it you should check out his blog which is the first link on the sidebar.

(Justin Longoz, "Kurt Kar", 2005)

Masterful Czech Graffiti: #3

I've decided that the tags in this city speak for themselves, so from now on I'm not going to try and add clever captions, because that's just not working out. All I will say is that I was walking through Prague with my parents and my girlfriend when I saw these two, and that this next one is far and away my single favourite of all the graffiti I've seen in Prague so far. Props to my babygurl Deidre for spotting it:

A fine day.

On this day we are one step closer...

...to sane government in the States, which affects us all. What it do, Obama.

AND

...to my fantasy of bathing in paper currency. Today, just over two months after Robert Mugabe idiotically cut ten zeroes off his nation's currency, making ten dollars the highest denomination available, Zimbabwe is again issuing ZWD $100,000, $200,000 and $1,000,000 notes. Before today the highest denomination was ZWD $50,000, which won't buy even a half of a loaf of bread. Today, as the new currency is being issued, a million Zimbabwean dollars is worth 8 US dollars and is steadily falling.

1000 Czech koruny equals roughly $60 Canadian. When I arrived in the Czech Republic and I realized a person within my means could possibly spend a thousand of something in one night, I was absolutely thrilled. But shit man, what about the prospect of spending ten million of something at the bar?
I'm telling you, Mildred. These fellows may be on to something.

Come on, America.

I have a really bad feeling about tonight, and I hope it's unjustified. It is a feeling that there is a shitload of silent support for McCain, or rather, against half-black leadership. Support that has not participated in any polls, probably because it doesn't own a telephone, and that will come out in record numbers to ensure a minority never gains power. Sort of like an inbred mute midget with an Uzi, who looks timid and easy to beat up, but will blow your ass away the second you step to him.

Come on, America. Don't let some stupid rednecks ruin it for everyone else again. A vote for McCain is a vote for a true-blue polar bear fucker. FACT.

from funwithmccain.com

Also, not to flog a dead horse, but buddy is 71. The life expectancy of an average american male is 73. A presidential term lasts four years. Hmmm...

Let's do some simple math. 71 - 73 = 2 years of this horrible prostitute RUNNING THE WORLD.


Fingers crossed!