So it sucks that there's still stuff to post about this dude, but our buddy and President of the Failed State of Zimbabwe Robert "Fuckhead" Mugabe is back at it again. There is so much shit going down in his country right now that it's impossible to talk about it all, but it's also impossible not to say anything about it. So here's a brief summary of the tip of the iceberg.
Firstly: Mugabe's government has now gone on record insulting heads of state all over the world who have criticized its tyrannical dictatorship, stating it hopes "this is the last time they open their dirty mouths on Zimbabwe." As of today, Mugabe is inexplicably (and inexcusably) backed by the African Union in his refusal to leave office and is using this opportunity to all but dare the rest of the world to overthrow him, saying through his spokesman, "we won this country through the barrel of the gun and we will defend it the way we won it." No doubt that's hardcore, but it's the stupid kind of hardcore, more like post-screamo-core than anything. So this isn't the first time Mugabe and his crew have challenged world leaders. He's been noted in the past for, on separate occasions, telling former UK PM Tony Blair and American Ambassador to Zimbabwe Chris Dell to both "go to hell." He also once called Blair a "gangster" who had "gone insane." I love that. I'm sorry but to me it's really funny when politicians are that candid on record.Secondly: Apart from widespread starvation, which is more or less commonplace and therefore no longer surprising in this country, Zimbabweans have a couple of terrifying disease outbreaks to keep their minds off their mess of a country. FAQ TIME!
Q: Which diseases? A: Cholera, the last outbreak of which in North America occurred in 1911 (and has now infected over 11,000 Zimbabweans), and ANTHRAX. Like, not your fancy "biotech-lab-cultured-post-9/11-white-powder-to-Sen.-Tom-Daschle" kind of anthrax, but rather the "your-livestock-is-dead-because-you-can't-feed-it-and-death-surrounds-you-because-there's-no-firewood-to-boil-water-with-and-you-are-literally-forced-to-eat-raw-the-spore-ridden-rotting-corpses-of-your-cattle" kind of anthrax.
Q: Who the fuck gets anthrax nowadays? A: I don't know. It's insane. But the real answer is 3 people, so far.
Thirdly: These internal and foreign policy calamities all come just days after George "Fuckhead" Bush finally spoke out against Mugabe, saying something like "DUR, he's bad...time to go," which, coming from the spittled mouth of the most powerful subhumans on the planet, is supposed to mean something. So who the hell knows. Barack Obama has yet to make a comment, so this would be a good opportunity for him to step up and at least say something.
At the same time, although it sounds selfish, the paper money bathing fantasy I keep writing about (see 'Zimbabwe' tag below) seems to become more and more realistic every day, even after Mugabe knocked ten zeroes off the currency a couple months back. In reaction to months and months of exploding hyperinflation (and really, who could have guessed that knocking ten zeroes off the currency would NOT effectively solve the nation's financial crisis?), the government has now unveiled its latest obscenely large bill, at the denomination of $200,000,000. This is the second time around that they've released a bill at this amount, so maybe this'll be it. Maybe this is as high as they'll have to go, and they won't release a $1 billion bill in the next month or so. Maybe. Probably not though. I don't think it's unreasonable to say it won't be long until they're back to the $100 billion bill and I'm washing my stanky crotch in cash money that is worth less that the dirt it's covered in.
Lastly: Under Mugabe's orders, as if all this bullshit weren't enough of a strain on the Zimbabwean people, his troops have now begun to spark and fuel a huge blood-diamond industry by looting diamond mines, killing indiscriminately, and generally fucking shit up all over the place.
BOOOOO. Next post will be positive and happy, I promise.
