NWSFLSH: Turns Out Osama bin Laden Hates Climate Change as Much as You Do

from Al Jazeera:

"...In an audio tape obtained by Al Jazeera, [Osama] bin Laden criticised George Bush, the former US president, for rejecting the Kyoto pact and condemned global corporations. 'This is a message to the whole world about those responsible for climate change and its repercussions - whether intentionally or unintentionally - and about the action we must take,' bin Laden said."

Clever, clever, clever! And kind of surprising at first glance, the rascal. In a bid to appeal to anyone and everyone disillusioned by the big business-friendly West, bin Laden offers his own "you guys, we gotta stop this craziness, you guys" criticism of carbon emissions. He praises Noam Chomsky's stance toward the 'Mafia-esque' US government and encourages world markets to stop dealing in the US dollar so that its stranglehold over foreign economies will diminish.

He whines articulately, "George Bush junior, preceded by Congress, dismissed the agreement to placate giant corporations. And they are themselves standing behind speculation, monopoly and soaring living costs. They are also behind globalisation and its tragic implications. And whenever the perpetrators are found guilty, the heads of state rush to rescue them using public money."

Now I'm no kitten-stabbing terrorist-championing sleeper agent, but the motherfucker does bring up a couple of totally valid and relevant points. The shitty thing is, this particular message, coming from perhaps the most universally despised figure imaginable (in the western world, anyway), has about the same 'no-fucking-duh, asshole' communicative effectiveness as your drunken uncle whispering complaints about the recession into your ear while he's struggling to fit his dick in your butt. At the same time, though, the fact that he's choosing this message as the one to appeal to everyone in the world is pretty cool and kind of encouraging.

Naturally, the far right immediately jumped on this as the perfect opportunity to not-so-subtly equate "environmentalists, European anarchists, [and] many Congressional Democrats" with al-Qaeda-related baby eating and such. But who really gives a shit what a knuckle-dragging mouthbreather making arguments like that has to say anyways, am I right?

Yes.